Is Your Desire For Approval Ruining Your Marriage?

Insecurity and the desire for approval can create lasting damage in a marriage. Are you allowing them to destroy your love and affect your partner? These deep-seated desires are difficult to eliminate, but you can achieve this. 

The desire for approval can create an unhealthy relationship. Codependence and other issues can appear, so it’s important for you to recognize them right away. 

If you struggle with a constant desire for approval, consider these ideas:

1. Understand insecurity and codependence. If you’re continually trying to get approval from your partner, this makes the relationship codependent. You’re stuck depending on your partner to make you feel better each day.  

• Insecurity naturally attracts people who feed it. 
• Your partner may not even realize that he or she is feeding your insecurity. However, little comments and clues throughout the relationship can show this. 
• Your desire for their approval makes you question everything you do. It hurts your ability to make decisions since you have to ask their opinion all the time. It affects your ability to act like an adult since you are essentially in child mode. 

1. Notice your partner’s reaction. Your partner may feel fine about having to give you constant approval and support. However, in many cases, your partner will eventually get tired of your neediness. 

• Relationships that are built on insecurity and codependence usually don’t last.

• Your partner may get tired of having to help you with every decision. They can also feel fatigued from your constant questions and need for approval.

1. Work on reducing your insecurity. You cannot eliminate the desire for approval unless you gain some self-confidence. 

• First, realize that this is hurting you and your partner. 
• Take action to make your insecurity fade. This can involve seeking therapy or medical help. You may also benefit from keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts. 
• Find a way to deal with your insecurity and codependence in a healthy way. You may want to try yoga or meditation to change your mindset. Try different techniques to overcome insecurity to see what works best for you. 

Couplestrong Collaborator:  Paula Gurnett, C.C.C. 
STIR Psychology